High Hopes

March 2019

I’ve always loved Dahlias, they are extremely resilient in California and although it looks like they’ve died when the winter frost hits, they come back just as beautiful as ever once the spring sun comes back around.

It’s March 15th of 2019, just two months after having left my heart in San Francisco I come to another turning point in my life. I had just started a new job and it was a huge step up for me career wise, this new year was starting to bring lots of growth and more opportunity for me to become the best version of myself. So I thought why not add onto it by planting my favorite flower? The planting of this flow coincides with a very pivotal shifting point in my life where I started to have high hopes for a better future and better me.

It all starts with a person I met last year who had I come to known fairly well over the past year at my former job site. We’d grown to become really solid friends but that friendship and I was tested on a night out with some of our mutual friends.

We’re out having a blast and having fun but as the day comes to an end and my co-worker needs a ride home, a guy we met at the party and I both walk her to our cars which are parked right next each other hilariously. My co-worker is pretty drunk and I’m pretty much completely sober by then and I ask her what she wants to do and she thinks about it really hard and decides to go with the other guy.

I could honestly care less about what she decides to do, I only care that she is cognitive and aware that whatever she chooses, it’s really what she wants. So as I get ready to leave and walk to my car she comes by to give me a hug goodbye and I ask her if she’s okay and again I ask her what does she really want to do, and she tells me “I just want to go home.”

I tell her, “listen, if you get in that car with him, you know for a fact you aren’t going home. But if you get in her car with me, you know that I’ll get you home safe and sound.” So she goes to tell the other guy that she’s going to ride home with me and as she and I get into the car my heart stops as I hear the words “I have to tell you something.”

But the most important thing that was said was not the things she told me, but my response to it, I said “Listen miss, I have always been the person I am to you not because you’re a very physically attractive person, I am the person I am to you because it’s who I am, and most importantly because you as a person makes me want to be a friend in your life. Nothing you could’ve been hiding would have changed that, it’s not about who you used to be, it’s about who you are choosing to be. And I’ll stand by you and move forward with with you till the end of the line.”

It’s that moment when I summoned up the courage for those words, when I managed to alleviate my fears of running away from something so good that I started to have High Hopes that I was truly coming around to being a better person. The old me would’ve ran away from this situation, he would’ve never even bothered to offer her a ride home or read the situation correctly. The old me wouldn’t have even cared. Because the old me wasn’t really living, he was existing. We watched a beautiful view of Sacramento before we left to take her home.

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