January 2019
I had just said my last goodbye to someone very dear to me. She was the only woman in my life that I’ve ever said “I love you” to in person and whole heartily meant it. This person gave me so much meaning in life and knowing that I’d never see her again broke me hard.
I admit that I lost myself for a while once she was gone, I was pretty aimless in life and drive because the days spent together were so easy, it felt weightless as we drifted through breezing through life.
I wanted so badly to tell myself that my life had ended when she left and maybe it kind of did in a way, but I knew that I would only spoil the memories we made and the person I got to discover by moping around in codependency.
So there I was, a 5′,6” and 280lb sack of sad shit. I decided as a start, I’d recover my physical body in an effort to try and blame my depression and poor mental health on my terrible diet and sleep apnea.
Life is Studying 