This clock ticks once again.
For the longest time, it had laid broken in my drawer. Its second-hand hand having gotten caught in the hairspring.
I thought this watch would’ve stayed dead forever since my time in Chico. It’s time ran out there, the seconds ticked away slowly, and the clock froze, just like my life did.
I finally walked into a repair shop today, March 28th, 2024, to get it fixed. 8 Years later, and just like my life, it finally starts to tick and move forward again. I bought a new band for it too, and slapping the watch back on my wrist felt like setting the gears of my life into motion.
I know now that it’s the right time for my life to restart. For me to regain everything I’ve lost and push forward once more, even further than I could’ve ever dreamed. For once, I felt worthy enough to wind the clock forward towards today and be present in my present.
But that’s not the only story from Chico that I leave behind, that I move forward from, forward with.
I was here today as well to watch my cousin play soccer. I thought I’d take a walk around the campus to see how I felt. As I passed by old unchanged halls of education, as I strolled by the newly built facilities, it felt as if I never left, as if a part of me was still that 23-year-old living in his car.
It’s been 8 years since then. I turn 31 now, and so much has happened.
This ring cracked, this ring that symbolized the dream I had. The dream I found here with you. The version of me who found hope and strength here with you. For the longest time, I thought the happiest memory was that night with you all those years ago. You’re making me dinner in that apartment, and we spend the night just watching a movie together and talking about life.
A part of me will always find peace and love with that memory.
It’s been seven years now and I’ve grown so much, so much has happened. Sometimes I forget your face or your voice. Sometimes I forget our times here. But I can never forget the way you made me feel.
But in those eight years since we last saw each other, I’ve found so many more beautiful memories, and I’ve experienced so much more peace and love in my life. More than I ever thought I could have. More than I thought I would have ever deserved.
I will always be thankful to you for everything you did for me, with me. I will always be thankful for the kindness and love you showed me. It’s because of the spark you helped light in my life, I could ignite the flame of my own heart.
But this is how I know that I’ve finally moved on, because when I came back to this town, all I felt and saw was the past. There was no future for me here, nothing to return to, no one to return to. The memories have faded, the sparks have vanished. The embers are cold, and this ring has cracked. And, at last, in this place called Chico, this place I used to call home, this place where I met you,
the love is gone.
Life is Studying 